THEWEEKLY WALLY
theweeklywally.co.ukThursday 10 September 2026Issue 15PRICE: SUBJECT TO REVIEW

WEEKLY WALLY EXCLUSIVE

STARMEROIDS WORLD TOUR?

IS THIS WHY KEIR'S LEAVING?

AND WILL FARAGE BE NEXT?

A punk singer kneels at the microphone with both arms raised while a suited guitarist performs beside him and a top-hatted drummer plays behind a Starmeroids-branded drum kit.

By the Speculation Correspondent

WESTMINSTER'S proposed crackdown on MPs' second jobs has raised an unexpected question for one of Britain's hardest-working political bands: could The Starmeroids be about to go international?

Former prime minister Keir Starmer left Parliament on 1 September, saying that he wanted to concentrate on international affairs and pass the baton to a successor.

To most observers, those two things may appear entirely unrelated.

The Weekly Wally has examined the evidence and reached the obvious conclusion that a world tour must therefore be imminent.

Footage obtained by this newspaper shows Starmer performing on guitar alongside Nigel Farage and Jacob Rees-Mogg during a recent performance of Down The Dispatch Box.

No tour dates have been announced.

No venues have been announced.

No countries have been announced.

No tour has been announced.

Nevertheless, preparations appear to be proceeding exactly as expected for a tour which nobody has said is happening.

Attention may now turn to Farage.

With Parliament considering tighter rules governing MPs' outside work, questions could eventually arise over how political careers fit alongside other paid activities.

The Weekly Wally has been unable to establish whether being lead singer of The Starmeroids counts as a second job, a first job, or an administrative oversight.

Farage has not announced that he is leaving Parliament to concentrate on punk.

The Weekly Wally will continue to monitor the situation until something happens, or doesn't.

RIVAL'S ROCK CRITIC CAUGHT WORSE FOR WEAR

A suited man sits at a battered wooden table with his face in his hands while a crowd in studded leather jackets gathers behind him under warm venue lights.

By Staff Reporter

A MUSIC critic appearing in The Starmeroids' latest production has been photographed looking considerably worse for wear during the band's performance.

The character, identified in the production as former prime minister David Cameron, had reportedly been dispatched by a rival publication to review Down The Dispatch Box when The Weekly Wally's photographer encountered him among the audience.

It is not known how much of the performance he successfully reviewed.

Witnesses reported that the music was loud.

The Weekly Wally understands that this is normal at concerts.

Our rival's review had not appeared at the time of going to press.

The Weekly Wally wishes its colleague a speedy recovery from whatever aspect of music journalism caused the difficulty.

WHERE'S TAC?

A black-and-white punk-style scene outside a venue called The Dispatch Box, with a queue of people in punk clothing waiting beneath posters and Chamber Records branding.

By Staff Reporter

QUESTIONS were growing last night over the whereabouts of The Starmeroids' most recognisable non-performing member after Tac failed to appear during Down The Dispatch Box.

The black cat has been present throughout much of The Starmeroids' public life, generally observing events without becoming involved in them.

However, an examination of footage from the performance has failed to locate him.

The Weekly Wally has checked the stage.

We have checked the audience.

We have checked outside The Dispatch Box.

We have also checked the footage again in case we missed him the first time.

Tac remains unaccounted for.

His image does appear on the band's drum kit, raising further questions about whether this constitutes attendance.

No explanation for his absence had been provided at the time of going to press.

Tac was unavailable for comment.

RECORD OF THE WEEK

The Starmeroids — Down The Dispatch Box

Record sleeve for The Starmeroids' Down The Dispatch Box.

Parliament has rarely been this loud.

Available on all major platforms. Chart position pending review.

The Weekly Wally understands that several platforms have been unable to locate the chart. Investigations continue.