THE WEEKLY WALLY
theweeklywally.co.uk Thursday 11 June 2026 Issue 2 PRICE: SUBJECT TO REVIEW

WE THOUGHT HE WAS LOONY.
WE WERE WRONG.

Further investigation reveals the situation to be considerably more Loony than previously reported.

A Loony Party candidate rides in a badge-covered campaign vehicle behind a police motorcycle while supporters and confetti fill the street.

The Weekly Wally can today confirm that earlier estimates of Mr Hope’s Loony credentials were significantly understated.

Following extensive field research conducted during Saturday’s campaign procession through Ashton-in-Makerfield, our reporter has concluded that the true scale of the Loony operation exceeded all projections. The procession featured a police motorcycle outrider, an official campaign vehicle of disputed roadworthiness, and a quantity of confetti that witnesses described as substantial.

Mr Hope was unavailable for comment. Several badges were believed to have expressed strong opinions on his behalf.

The Weekly Wally apologises for any confusion caused by our initial assessment. We should have known. The signs were there.

A spokesperson for the campaign said only that the vehicle had been approved. No further information was provided regarding by whom.

WORLD CUP QUEUE PROCEEDING NORMALLY

Officials confirm the process is working exactly as intended. Further queuing is expected.

Football supporters wait among several confusing queue signs at a border-processing desk while an official holds paperwork and Tac sits on the counter.

The 2026 FIFA World Cup begins today. The Weekly Wally can confirm that fans wishing to attend are currently being processed in an orderly manner subject to the availability of numbers, the accessibility of the outer queue, and the current status of their application which is pending review.

A Scotland supporter holding documentation described the situation as difficult to explain. A Morocco supporter holding a match ticket and a visa rejection letter simultaneously declined to comment. A Uruguay supporter confirmed he had obtained a number. The number was not currently being served.

A referee was also present. He was unavailable to referee.

Officials at the processing area confirmed that the process is working exactly as intended. The Weekly Wally asked what the process was intended to do. No further information was provided.

Tac was also present. Tac appeared to understand the situation. Tac declined to explain it.

The Weekly Wally will continue to monitor the queue. The queue is expected to continue.

RECORD OF THE WEEK

Will Keir Still Be There — The Starmeroids

Available on all major platforms. Chart position pending. The Trot Poll has confirmed the song is number one. The Trot Poll was unavailable to confirm which chart it was measuring. A spokesperson for the Popular Music Oversight Board confirmed the findings are concerning. The spokesperson was unavailable to elaborate. The process continues.